How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
Took a flight, and my luggage got torn to pieces....
My lawyer said I don't have much of a case.
Swiping can be such dangerous territory, but I think I’ve a Safe Harper in this match
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke through the the peep hole and find out.
I took a walk down by the river the other day and I heard two birds speaking Spanish...
Turns out they were Portu-Geese.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She thought for a moment and said, "No peer pressure."
A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human has one breast and one testicle.
The world’s population is split sort of evenly between men and women, making the average human part male, part female, and a complete pain to shop for.
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
Your shirt must be made out of husband material.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
What do you call the Earth when it is quaking?
Shakesphere.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
“Having those weird conversations with your friend and thinking “if anyone heard us, we’d be put in a mental facility.”
— Unknown
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Simpson became too furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Simpson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Mr. Simpson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I...I...didn't pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn't" said his wife, consolingly. "I did."
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
It's a vicious cycle.
What will a space turkey say to another one? Hubble Hubble.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta.
All because of a fusilli people.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
Can I wear your plaid flannel when I make you breakfast tomorrow morning?
Riding a camel really isn't as hard as they say it is.
Once you get over the first hump, the rest is easy.
How did the cowboy greet the equestrian?
Howdy Neigh-bor.
Gobbling gorgoyles gobbled gobbling goblins.
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
Isabella Isabeauty for sure
What sound do hedgehogs make when they kiss?
Ouch
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
“Some people wake up drowsy. Some people wake up energized. I wake up dead.”
— James Marsden
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”
- Phyllis Diller.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I have Alzheimer’s Disease, Cheese on toast.
You are in my heart, my mind, and in my entire body.
In fact, my doctor says that you must be a parasite!
It's lunchtime and the newcomer at my workplace is on a plane to India
Turns out, someone told him that the nearby Delhi has the best sandwiches
Is it possible to scare a sasquatch out of your yard by tossing eggs at him?
Only if you eggs-terminate him.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
Go to BabaMail
