If you pull the pin out of a grenade, is it possible to put it back in it so it won't explode?
I kinda need a quick response...
“Surely Sylvia swims!” shrieked Sammy surprised. “Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink.”
"Don't ever think I fell for you, or fell over you. I didn't fall in love, I rose in it."
― Toni Morrison, Jazz
You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
George Burns
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
What type of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
Your treat or mine?
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
Baby, I'm like efavirenz. I can decrease your odds of nightmares, but you still may have strong vivid dreams about me — a very common side effect.
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
I went to my girlfriend's soccer match for the first time last weekend. She kept grabbing the ball with her hands.
She's a keeper.
Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
Are you a magnet? Because I find you very attractive.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
When you cross a wolf and a monkey, you end up with a howler monkey.
If you took all the people in the world who fall asleep during church, and laid them head to toe in a straight line
They would all be a lot more comfortable.
I wanna Margaret your Thatcher.
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
Someone just stole some grass from my garden.
Strange I know, thought robbers stuck to their own turf.
What do you call the Greek God of Mexican chickens?
Apollo
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
What does Father Christmas do for his summer holidays? Santa Cruz.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
Have you read the book about hands? It’s a real page turner.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze.
That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
An Australian army vehicle worth $74,000 has gone missing after being painted with camouflage.
I’m trying a new ‘see food’ diet
I’d recommend that you all try it
Any food will do
Nothing’s bad for you ...
It's no wonder my trousers don’t fit!
(Jan Allison)
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
How did the pot head propose to their spouse?
Marriage, You wanna?
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
You looking at me is making me turn as red as that roasted beet salad.
How does a volleyball team welcome their new neighbors? With a block party.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
What do you call a witch who drives badly?
A road hag.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
Want to go for a ride?
Go to BabaMail
