I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
Did you hear about the croc calling the frog? He just croc-o-dialled.
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
As the taxi raced towards the hospital, my wife cried, "The baby's coming! Don't stop the car! I can't make it! DON'T! CAN'T! WON'T!"
"Driver, hurry!" I implored. "Her contractions are getting closer together!"
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
Why are tigers said to be religious? Because they frequently prey with all their family members.
What do you call a fruit that cannot get married?
A cantelope.
God was just showing off when he made you.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
You must be the iceberg from Titanic and I'm the ship because tonight we're gonna smash.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
Rattle-skattle skeletons
clitter-clack each bone
Shrieksome banshees circle
and werewolves howl and moan.
Sh-sh-shake and shiver spectres
weeshly whisk along the halls
while plumptious orange pumpkins
throw their shadows on the walls.
Double-trouble witchy twins
are cooking up commotion
with rosy poison apples
bib-bobbing in their potion.
Black cats hide in shadows
with topaz eyes ashine
whilst Mummies gently moulder
in the cellar with the wine.
SCRITCH SCRITCH SCRATCH! and RAT-A-TAT!
Zoiks! Zombies — in the street!
Halloweenies here to party —
and cackling:
TRICK OR TREAT!
- Sarah Ziman
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
Why is there no COVID cases in Antarctica
Because it’s so ice-o-lated
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
He came, he thawed, he conquered.
“There was a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center that said ‘Keep off the Grass.'”
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”
Ann Landers
Nice pumpkins!
It is only late August, yet the leaves are already turning brown. Autumn came early this year. Orange you glad?
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
What's the problem with Father's day?
It always falls on Son-day
What does a hunter do with a basketball?
He shoots it.
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”—Erma Bombeck
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
I’m very frond of you.
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
How about we drop the gloves and go at it?
What did the turkey say after Thanksgiving dinner? I'm still stuffed.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager managing an imaginary menagerie.
I had a job directing an elementary school theater production.
It wasn't hard work, after all, it was child's play.
You must be copper because I always cu in my dreams.
Go to BabaMail
