Knock Knock!
Who is there?
A Bee?
A bee who?
A beaver is building a dam on the river.
Call me Rudolph, because you just sleighed me.
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, oceans don't talk they just wave!
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
"Just one hot chick."
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
If there was no gravity on this planet, I would still fall for you.
I’ll have a crocodile sandwich please, and make it snappy!
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish!
When the wolf stood on the grape, the latter said nothing but let out a little bit of a wine.
Why did the czar cross the road?
To get to his car.
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
My love for you is like the Spanish Armada – unsinkable!
Up to snow good.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
A mosquito cried out in great pain,
"A chemist has poisoned my brain!"
And the cause of his sorrow
Was para-dichloro-
Diphenyl-trichloroethane.
It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? Try Sara's Tops
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
What do runners eat before a big race?
Fast food.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What did the llama say to the grass?
“Nice gnawing you!”
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
Lawyer: "Doctor, as a result of your examinations, would you say the woman was pregnant?"
Doctor: "Yes, she was pregnant, but not as a result of my examination."
(Taken from an actual trial)
I've never made an incomplete pass, and I hope you won't be my first.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
Any proof that Saturn married more than once? Well, he do has a lot of rings.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
The artist painted himself into a corner, leading to his death.
I’m an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Do you be-leaf in magic?
What do you call a cat teacher? A purr-fessor
What nature phenomenon is the funniest? A cyclown!
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
What do you call a clever duck?
A wise quacker.
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
What kind of dance do single people do on Valentine's Day?
The Independance!
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