The abdominal snowman is just a snowman with a six-pack.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
You're like my favorite candy bar, half sweet, half nuts.
Hey girl, these swimming pool lane lines can't keep us apart.
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
What did the thunderstorm say to the lightning rod?
You'll never catch me, copper!
Why did Sean Connery adopt a cat?
Because teaching his dog to sit proved too messy.
A slimey snake slithered down the sandy sahara.
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
I used to hate tennis, but ever since I’ve started winning 6-0, I love it now.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
If Princess Toad looked liked you, I would have killed Bowser years ago.
Sorry, I've lost my number.
May I get yours?
Have your elf a merry little Christmas.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
Hey, how'd you like to recreate the Big Bang?
Would they get two minutes for tripping?
Not if they spliff the defence.
Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
You must be a choir director, because you make my heart sing!
What do planets like to read?
Comet books.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
Looks like I’ve Joshu-won the best match of the day
My drug test came back negative. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.
Can I slip one past your goalie?
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Why does Valentine's Day never work in Africa?
All the lion cheetahs.
Are you powdered sugar? Because you're sweet, and fine!
There once was a man stuck in a stall,
He tried to get out but would fall.
One day a man flushed,
The fat man just blushed,
And quickly ran out of the mall.
Why are vampires like false teeth?
They come out at night.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
“Stupid people will mistake your confidence for arrogance.”
- Habeeb Akande
Why don’t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
What did the deer say after she did her friend a favor?
“You doe me!”
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
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