I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
“When life gives you Monday, dip it in glitter and sparkle all day.”
Which violation do ghosts get called for the most in basketball?
Ghoul tending.
Why did the hunter miss his mark?
He was not aiming deerectly for it.
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now, let's try it again. Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
Is your name Misty? You look so good in the rain.
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
"I make pour decisions."
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
My doctor told me that his job is easy because he can heal all of his patients with trigonometry.
He has a sinecure.
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
Have you ever tried to write your own puns?
It's a fairly difficult pun-dertaking!
To me, you’re just like hydrogen because you’re number 1!
How does the sun say hi to the moon?
With a heat wave!
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
If I told you I worked at Home Depot, would you let me handle your tool?
Why do mice have long tails?
Well, they’d look silly with long hair!
What's a pun's favorite movie?
It's a Punderful Life!
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
Are you religious?
Because you're the answer to all my prayers.
Why don't skeletons ski the black diamond runs at Copper Mountain?
They've got soul, but they just don't have the heart for it.
Which musical group did Frankenstein not like at all?
The Village People.
I’m feeling a little blue, do you think you could help al-Levi-ate my pain with a good date?
Summer should get a speeding ticket
Why wasn't the jogger all that bummed out when his girlfriend broke up with him?
'Cause they had a good run.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
What’s the difference between hot potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“When I’m under stress, I do yoga. It’s when I’m happiest that I have a problem with junk food.” — Britney Spears
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
My game is just like Alexander Keith's: "Those who like it, like it a lot."
I’ve got my ion you, baby.
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bruce
Bruce who?
I Bruce easily, don't hit me!
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
---
You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
Hey Girl are you my checked in luggage? 'Cause I’d wait an eternity for you at the airport.
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
Go to BabaMail
