What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
We're like a 4-Leaf clover. You're the C and I'm the R, and there's love in between us.
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
The scare crow was out standing in his field, so he got awarded as the best employee of the year.
Is there wifi in here? Because I feel we have a strong connection.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
Some people think prison is one word… but to criminals it’s the whole sentence.
Why did Santa send his daughter to college? To keep her off the North Pole.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
According to physics, light travels faster than sound. If that is really the case, why can I hear the car behind me honk before I see the traffic lights change?
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
I have a good nature joke but after listening to it, everyone just leaves.
What are the chances I open with a pun that’s so bad you Leah-ve me hanging?
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
"I Know You Like Me Best"
Daddy, I know your secret,
That you've tried to keep suppressed,
I promise I won't tell anyone,
But I know you like me best!
Why was Frankenstein’s monster always being arrested?
He was so easy to charge.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Yo baby, you want to see me solve a quadratic?
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Where are koalas taken when they die? To an ancient bearial site.
“Gravity is the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age”
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
I always have a ball with you.
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. “A bacon tree ! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
It’s so hot that the oven got jealous.
Baby you be the tree and I'll wrap around you like a koala bear.
If a black bug bleeds black blood, what color blood does a blue bug bleed?
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but trilobites still exist, right?
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
I can score more often than the average soccer player.
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Love is like a fart - if you have to force it it's probably crap.
This headlamp isn’t the only thing getting turned on tonight.
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