Are you sure you're not from South Korea? Because I'm sure you're my 'Seoul'-mate.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Why can't tomatoes ever beat lettuce in a race?
Because lettuce is always a head, and tomatoes have to ketchup!
“Even though we’re a week and a half away from Thanksgiving, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.” —Richard Roeper
It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.
“Oh, I don’t know”, she said. “Just give me something with diamonds”.
That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
The only way athletes can stay cool even in a charged game is by standing near the fans.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Santa's beard is so long because he's bad at shaving. Why do you think they call him Saint Nick?
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
“Having a child is liking getting a tattoo on your face. You better be committed.”
- 'Eat Pray Love'.
I’ve got my phone, and you have your phone number… imagine the possibilities.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
I went to a new kind of show yesterday, which was hosted by a color-changing lizard. He was a good stand-up chameleon.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Elizabeth has eleven elves in her elm tree.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
When does a turkey go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
I'd let you Chataranga over me any day!
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
"I run so my goals in life will continue to get bigger instead of my belly."
Bill Kirby
“Not everybody has to love me. I can’t force you to have good taste.”
Because they got turtle recall, turtles never forget.
Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koalafications.
One night I looked up at the stars and thought, ‘Wow, how beautiful.’ But now that I’m looking at you, nothing else can compare.
get nervous when I fly; do you mind if I hold your hand?
“You’re making it difficult for me to be the parent I always imagined I would be." - Anonymous
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
10-tickles.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Your earrings are the mirrors which reflect the moonlight into your eyes.
"Your sweat is your fat crying. Keep it up."
From a runner's T-shirt
A guy walks into a bar.
Which is unfortunate because he has a drinking problem.
I visited Spain and couldn't stop looking at the architecture
It was very Moorish.
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
Why would you Mary Shelley when you could marry me?
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
There’s something that I need to ask,
I’ve gotta know if it’s true,
Please tell me, are you an email?
Because I want to be attached to you!
I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor....
so far it´s been 7 owls and 15 jays.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
What do you call witches who live together?
Broom-mates.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
My counselor gave me a hug today
I guess I got shrinkwrapped
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
Go to BabaMail
