“Can he have this?” With first baby: “Is it organic and homemade?” After second baby: “He can have anything except narcotics and alcohol.” - Unknown
Hey there cyclist, is that your kickstand, or are you just happy to see me?
You’re just like how I like my potatoes — sweet.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
A mean crook going down stairs = A condescending con, descending
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
Fairies just wand to have fun.
“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”
Steven Wright
Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl?
If it was a guy it would be the misterssippi River.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
All men are afraid of eyelash curlers; I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.
Rita Rudner
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
“There is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.”
– John Ruskin
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
"Guess who I bumped into on my way to the optometrist."
"Who?"
"Everyone."
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
You're so clover!
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
"I lava you."
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
Roses are red, Violets are blue,
I’m sorry if I made you feel awkward, I just want to have dinner with you.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
What does a Clydesdale say when you offer them a carrot?
“Of course, my horse.”
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Hey I need a female opinion - what do you think would look better on me, this or this?
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
There was an Old Man of Leghorn,
The smallest that ever was born;
But quickly snapped up he
Was once by a puppy,
Who devoured that Old Man of Leghorn.
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
Which car is a Ghost’s favourite? It is between a Boogatti or a Rolls-Royce Phantom.
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
Please Mr.Postman deliver to my heart.
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
Go to BabaMail
