What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
Are you into science? Because I lab you so much!
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
What did the nervous crow do? The crow proceeded with caw-tion.
Why can’t I ever win a game returning serve? Give me a break.
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Have you watched werewolves taking lunch, you will be amused, they literally wolf it down!
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Needle.
Needle who?
Needle little love right now.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Yesterday I paid a stranger to knock me unconscious,
shove a foreign object up my butt and film the whole thing!
Or as my doctor insists on calling it... a colonoscopy
I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself...
I really need to wash some mugs.
Made a whole bunch of dad jokes at Thanksgiving dinner...
I pulled out all the Pops!
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!
How do you spot a deer behind you? With hind-sight!
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday."
— Erma Bombeck
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
"Remember, the second most important thing to choosing the right shoe is choosing the left one."
Unknown
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
“If Monday was a gift, I would happily return it to the person who gave it to me.”
How about a kanga-root?
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Are you a banker?
Because you need to leave me a loan.
The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
“When life gives you mountains, put those boots and start hiking.”
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
I was only taught 22 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know Y TBH.
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
Love the beach. Can I be any more Pacific?
"Come follow me and I will make you a Fischer of men."
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
Composers always score.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
I'm a little upset, folks. Last night I went to this new restaurant for dinner and I had to use the restroom. And there was a sign in there that said, "Employees Must Wash Hands."
And I could not find one employee who would wash my hands.
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