When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
I’m a raindrop and I’m falling for you.
Never talk to me about fashion
It just goes in one year and out the other
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Gorilla!
Gorilla who?
Gorilla burger! I've got the buns!
A priest, a rabbit and a deacon walk into a blood bank.
"I think I might be a type o." said the rabbit.
Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."
- Dorothy Parker
What happens to witches who break the school rules?
They get ex-spelled.
"Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway."
― Robert Downey Jr.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Noah.
Noah who?
Noah good place we can get something to eat?
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
What is a giraffe’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
Birch, please.
Irish you luck.
Did you overstay your visa? Because you got 'fine' written all over you
The public investigated a box full of crows because it was a murder case.
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Forget about pumpkin, you’re the only cutie pie I need.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
What's more impressive than a talking fish?
A spelling bee.
If it ain’t brogue, don’t fix it.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
“The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”—Anonymous
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
How does a deer know what day of the week it is?
It looks at its calen-deer.
I got a job crafting toy models of the dwarves from Snow White.
The pay sucks, but I'm not lying when I tell people I make seven figures.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
I wish I was your coronary artery so that I could be wrapped around your heart.
I get a real kick out of you.
Please wait, bewitcha in a minute.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
It's cold and rainy on Halloween
Where monsters and goblins are always seen
They're at my door asking for sweets
But they don't want tricks only treats
I could close my door but that would be mean.
What do ghouls drink?
Boos!
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
“Happy Thanksgiving!!! Or as I like to call it: Cheat Day.” — Hugh Jackman
Hey girl. Are you a beaver cuz damn.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
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