It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
There was a Young Lady of Norway,
Who casually sat on a doorway;
When the door squeezed her flat,
She exclaimed, 'What of that?'
This courageous Young Lady of Norway.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
I used to own a raven. It could speak English, but the only word it could speak was "car".
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis!
Why do the propellers of a plane go around and around?
To keep the pilot cool because if they stopped, man would he sweat
"Run like hell and get the agony over with."
Clarence DeMar
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
How about the stylish female crocodile, she's every inch a frock-o-dile.
"Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one." — Benjamin Franklin
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea
You're so sweet, your giving me cavaties.
Why did the fox cross the road?
She was chasing the chicken.
Why was the big white tiger angry with his other Siberian tiger friend? Because he bleached him while grooming.
I didn't know angels flew this low.
“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”
Josh Billings
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
Why did the police arrest the star? That’s becuase it was a shooting star.
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
How do Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code!
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
You make me want to Twist and Shout
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Can you give me directions to your heart? I've seemed to have lost myself in your eyes.
What does a mountain often do at its daily meal? It avalunch.
How to be evil:
Hide all of the desktop icons on someone's computer and replace the monitor's wallpaper with a screen-shot of their desktop.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You snore like a bear,
But I’m still into you.
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
You’re so stunning even the Language Police are speechless.
Feeling fintastic.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
“When Chuck Norris does yoga, the sun salutes him.” – Unknown
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