Celery, raw,
Develops the jaw,
But celery, stewed,
Is more quietly chewed.
(Ogden Nash)
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
I don’t get why people buy into the flat earth theory.
I mean, the arguments for it aren’t exactly well rounded.
It started raining coins outside today.
I guess it’s just climate change.
Ooh, you look boo-tilicious!
You’re what I’m most thankful for this year.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What did the player on the Bumblebee basketball team say after making a foul shot?
Hive Scored!
You: It's dangerous for you to be here in the frozen food section. Because you could melt all this stuff.
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
There was a young fellow named Weir,
Who hadn't an inch of fear.
He indulged a desire,
To touch a live wire,
And he celebrated by drinking beer.
Can you put some hot sauce on my enchilada, I need some spice in my life.
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
– Charles Schulz
Beavers enjoy being in the company of a river because they go with the flow.
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
Just look, it’s the Trifle Tower
An introvert elephant and an emo giraffe walked into a bar.
They couldn’t fit in.
These book puns have tickled your spine.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
I’m like the smell of chlorine – I’ll never leave you.
The cawllarborne of the skinny crow was so pronounced.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
If fish lived on land, in which country would they live? Finland.
“What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?” — Erma Bombeck
Sunshine on a Woman's Day?
Broad-day light.
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
My spiritual gift is my good looks. It lifts peoples spirits.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
“Feliz navi-dog!”
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Why are beavers so good in maths? They love log'arithms.
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
Hey baby, are you made up of dark matter? Because you’re indescribable.
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
Error 404: Your number is not found on my phone.
Their soccer team and the US navy had one thing in common, they both spent over $50 million on a sub.
What do you think the boy star told the girl star? I really glow for you.
The first time I sang in the church choir, two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
Go to BabaMail
