Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that bastard's reflection.
Lady Gaga
Wanna go on a picnic? Alpaca lunch.
I was working on my family history. Do you think it's too early to list you as a spouse?
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Why did the chicken cross the busy road?
It was feeling clucky.
A saber tooth tiger would never blow anything up.
But a dino might.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What do winged horses attend in school? Pegclasses.
What kind of cheese do rodents like?
Mousearella.
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog?
A blood hound.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
The peach sports organization rended a commercial peach for a game of peach ball.
My leaf blower doesn’t work.
It just sucks!
Go with me and you'll be (Mg,Fe)7Si8O22(OH)2.
Wow, you have a the chin of Superman. I bet you could take a serious punch.
Why did the ghost decide to become a vegan?
Because it's super natural.
What does a beaver from Philly drink?
Wooder.
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
Wooden door; wide and creaky.
Sculking cat; snide and sneaky.
Skeletons; cold and clanky.
Madame Witch; old and cranky.
Ancient paintings; strange and spooky.
Watching eyes; crazed and looky.
Blackest bat; fast and flappy.
Venus Flytrap; mighty snappy.
Wailing ghosts; always moany.
Piano playing on its owny.
Time to go! Scream and shouty!
Read the sign – ‘No Way Out-y!’
- Julie Anna Douglas
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Two knee.
Two knee who?
Two-knee fish!
Are you that one more chapter? You keep me awake most of the time.
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
My colleague kept on missing deadlines, so I advised him not to bite off more than he can blue!
I took my 7 year old son to the zoo today.
We were walking around and soon he said, “Look Dad! It's a frickin' Elephant!”
I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us.
“What did you just call it?” I asked.
“It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!” he said, and so it did, A F R I C A N Elephant.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What do you call a sketchy looking Bigfoot?
A Susquatch.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
"You crack me up."
Why did the coyote cross the road?
It was chasing the road runner.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
“Is it snowing where you are? All the world that I see from my tower is draped in white and the flakes are coming down as big as pop-corns.” — Jean Webster
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
Did you hear about the painter who works in jail? They say he had a brush with the law.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Go to BabaMail
