You had me at taco.
Let’s have a shamrockin’ good time tonight!
Do you wanna come dance with the big bad wolf? [ No! ] Its okay, the other two pigs said no too!
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
How are splinters better than a man?
Splinters are a pain, but they go away eventually.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
"I don’t know whether they should say “You have a baby” or “The baby has you”." ~ Anonymous
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
Why did the bus driver take a break? He needed to 'stop' and refuel!
Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager managing an imaginary menagerie.
Are you a dictator? Because you have absolute power over me.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thick, say it quick!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thicker, say it quicker!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Don’t eat with your mouth full!
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Q: How do clouds keep in touch with each other?
A: Using sky-pe.
Which flower is known as the most ferocious flower? A tiger lily.
Are you the moon? Because even when it’s dark you still seem to shine.
That crazy little sun of a beach.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Girl give me a chance and I will show you a world of our own where spell of love began and our hearts become one
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself.”
Ethel Barrymore
"I’m Going to Be Famous"
I’m going to be famous!
I’m going to be great!
For every award
I’m the best candidate.
I’ve got an idea
to solve world peace.
I know how to force
every famine to cease.
I’ll power our town
with four sweaty socks
Or make a vaccine
for every pox.
I’ll reduce the garbage
in landfills by nine.
Wherever you’re shopping,
there won’t be a line.
I’d love to complete
all of this before bed
But Mom wants my room
to be cleaned up instead!
– Steve Hanson
I couldn't stop laughing when my father warned my brother, saying, "If you hack my Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word".
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
You're my purr-son.
Smokers Are Productive, But Death Cuts Efficiency
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
What is the result of an art competition? A draw.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it.
What do you call a hippie's wife?
A Mississippi.
Its ok to kiss a nun....
But don't get into the habit.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
Hey you long legged girl with the short dress on. I finally found you!!
I’ve got my ion you, baby.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
Go to BabaMail
