Roberta ran rings around the Roman ruins.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
There was an Old Person of Dover,
Who rushed through a field of blue Clover;
But some very large bees,
Stung his nose and his knees,
So he very soon went back to Dover.
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
Would Gretzky have changed his name in order to play in Mexico?
Yes, The Great Juan did what it takes.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
I'm optimistically single.
My bed is half full.
C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
I just tossed a penny into the fountain, want to make my wish come true?
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
“My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce.”—Dr. Joyce Brothers
There are many fish in the sea but you're the only one that's caught my eye.
What do golf and se* have in common?
They’re two things you can enjoy even if you’re bad at both of them.
Will you, William? Will you, William? Will you, William?
Can't you, don't you, won't you, William?
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
You have the nicest syntax I've ever seen.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
Hey the cyclist, can I take you for a spin on my handlebars?
“It’s like kids can just smell when you start relaxing.” - Anonymous
Which Pokémon has Covid?
Pik-achoo.
How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry."
How about dinner?
"Go, and never darken my towels again."
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
As you would expect, most airline pilots make friends only in high places.
My girlfriend brought 50,000 bees and put them in our backyard.
She's a keeper.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
“Sorry for what I said before I yoga-ed.” – Unknown
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
"Going out with you would be my biggest break since the rural juror."
- 30 Rock
"Reti or not, here I come!"
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
Are you a thief? Because you stole my heart.
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
I need a date; do you know where I could find one?
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
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