I’d hike every trail in the world if I had you next to me.
Brother: "I saw a seahorse scuba diving"
Dad: "Wow that's amazing, I didn't realise they had the technology."
Roses are red, my face is too.. that only happens when I see you.
“Stretch marks are just rad lil’ lightning strikes here to remind you that you are a force of nature.”
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
How do ghosts wash their hair? Sham-boo.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language.
But I could never string together enough words to properly express how beautiful you are.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
How does Santa capture photos? With his North Pole-oroid.
Why do gorillas have really big fingers?
Because they have really big nostrils!
“Due to lack of interest. Monday has been canceled.”
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Merry.
Merry who?
Merry Christmas!
You smell just like my mom, want to grab a drink?
"Children aren’t happy without something to ignore, and that’s what parents were created for." – Ogden Nash
Seagulls talking
what's the matter?
fussy squawking
seagulls talking...
Waddle walking
pavement patter-
Seagulls talking
what's the matter?
Birds discussing
“Took my breadcrumb!”
Angry fussing
birds discussing
seagull cussing
“Hey, I want some!”
birds discussing
“Took my breadcrumb!”
(Rhona McFerran)
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
My grandad was responsible for 28 downed german planes in WW2.
Still to this day, he holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In Ten Years
How did the ghost get from New York to London? British Scare-ways.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
"I need summer to be longer so I have more time to do nothing"
What is a pink bird's favorite dance? Flamin-tango.
"I don’t know whether they should say “You have a baby” or “The baby has you”." ~ Anonymous
"I whip my hare back and forth."
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
Are you tinsel? Because I want you all over my tree.
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
Can I have your number so I can call you anytime I miss you?
Why should you never do math with a tiger?
If you add 4+4 you're gonna get ate.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
Go to BabaMail
