Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
Are you a mosquito? ‘Cause I’m a sucker for you.
Why are geologists great dates?
They can make your bedrock.
Are you sure you're not a tower? Because Eiffel for you.
What's green and sings? Elvis Parsley.
The khaki in my shirt brings out the color in your eyes.
Can I take a few shots at your goal?
If I had to describe myself in 3 words?
Lazy.
Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's round table?
Sir Cumference.
Why did the chicken go to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
I get a real kick out of you.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
Are you in the on deck circle? Çause you're up next.
Baby you got the perfect route for me.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
Your Zygomaticus Major is the best thing that I have witnessed.
Why did the vegetarian stop running cross country?
He did not like the meets.
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t chicken!
How do Yetis tell the time?
With a sasq-watch.
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
How much caramel can a canny canonball cram in a camel if a canny canonball can cram caramel in a camel?
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
Theatre costumes must be handled with care since they're often laced with something.
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Is your name Sunshine? Because you are “In my soul today”.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I won't take no for an answer. I'm having Nunavut.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
How would you describe a pun about a pun?
They're pun-ishingly bad!
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During ape-ril showers.
A loyal warrior will rarely worry why we rule.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
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