Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
It’s sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
What did the elephant say to a naked man? Hey that's cute but can you breath through it?
Join me today, because I am in it for the long run when it comes to love.
Were you raised in captivity? Because you captured my heart.
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
Where do restless travelers like to go?
To Rome.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice.
I hate being bipolar...
It's great!
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
Wow, You must be the pretty princess the evil queen is trying to get rid of.
"Lazy bones."
Where do you get frog's eggs?
At the spawn shop.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
My girlfriend said to me, "I'm sick of you pretending to be a detective. I think we should split up."
I said, "Good idea - we can cover more ground that way."
I accidentally pooped in my pants. Can I get into yours?
The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming figures
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
I don’t know about you, but I think helicopter rescue pilots have the best pick-up lines.
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
"Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious."
— William Feather
Who is the most famous French skeleton?
Napolean Bone-aparte.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
Do you breathe oxygen? We have so much in common.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.
My shrink says I'm just being self centaured.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
I just beat my friend in a Wild West themed art race!
I was quicker to the draw.
Sorry to bother you, I think I dropped my heart here. Can you pick it up?
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
If my life was a cake. Then you'd the cherry on top.
What time do werewolf Cowboys have a shootout?
High Moon!
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