Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
What do you call a cold dog sitting on a rabbit? A chili dog on a bun!
Baby, you make my rover raise its mast into a vertical position.
Was that an earthquake or did you just rock my world?
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
What should you name a crow with soft down feathers? Microwsoft.
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
Just shooting my shot here, because you look so good. Hope it lands, but I guess Wesley..
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
When you cross a wolf and Fred Astaire, you get dances with wolves.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
Sometimes we eat a crow while other times we eat Croatia.
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. It’s Dublin every day.
“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
What's wrong with these people tonight?
They're screaming I gave them a fright.
"A black cat!" they shriek,
but only last week
they held me; I purred with delight.
These neighborhood kids are so weird.
On Halloween night I am feared.
The rest of the time,
my life is sublime.
To all of them, I've been endeared.
It soon will be November First,
and I'll be no longer accursed.
I'll hear, "Look at that,
a beautiful cat!"
Man! Halloween night is the worst.
- Janice Canerdy
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
Can you put some hot sauce on my enchilada, I need some spice in my life.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
What did the swimming pool say to the skimmer?
Leaf me alone!
Stay true to your shelf.
Fairies just spell trouble.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
Abraham Lincoln
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Theodore.
Theodore who?
Theodore wasn’t open, so I knocked.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
Hey, can I put you on my emergency contact list?
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Where do robots go for fun?
The circuits.
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
Go to BabaMail
