"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
Hey girl, are you related to Abraham's nephew?
Because I like you a LOT.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
Need an ark?
I noah guy.
Old Man: "Where have you been all my life?"
Woman: "For the first half of it, I wasn't even born yet."
I have the final sleigh.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Why did Frankenstein tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
My wife treats me like a God – every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering.
What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!
You're so beautiful; your birthday should be a national holiday.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
Do you know the easiest way to stop squirrels from playing soccer in your garden is to hide the ball? Well, it drives them nuts.
Are you a musician? Because you make my heart go staccato.
You octopi my thoughts.
"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
- James Dent
Why is research more trustworthy if it comes from France?
It's Pierre-reviewed.
What do you call an elderly Spanish man?
A senõr citizen.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Books are my kind of texts.
How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him with an axe.
What's the ghoul's favorite sauce?
Grave-y.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
There’s a new drama featuring herbivore doctors.
It’s called Graze Anatomy.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
I used to search for clams on the beach
But then I pulled a mussel.
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
A really leery Larry rolls readily to the road.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
Water you doing on [date]?
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
What do you learn in witch school?
Spelling.
So how many cats do you have?
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
What movie perfectly describes the corona virus?
No country for old men.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
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