What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
“Good Morning! Open your mouth wide! I’ll just keep going and put that coffee right in there!”
– Unknown
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.
Why are crows so interesting?
Just beCAWse
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
You’re pretty and I’m damn cute. If we’re together, we would be pretty cute.
Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce? Because he thought his wife was a flake.
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine - I only get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
Are you hypokalemia? Because you make me feel weak at the knees.
If fish lived on land, in which country would they live? Finland.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Owl always love you.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
Ain’t no mountain high enough to keep me from you.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
“The light made the snowballs look yellow. Or at least I hoped that was the cause.” — Gary D. Schmidt
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Italy!
Italy who?
Italy all over in the morning.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark
An ig is just a snow house without a loo!
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
I’m not sure the best way to approach you..could you give me a Vivinsider tip?
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Santa's beard is so long because he's bad at shaving. Why do you think they call him Saint Nick?
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
What is the study of real estate? Homology
I’ll bring you roses to our first date so that they can see how beautiful you are.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
There once was a fly on the wall,
I wonder why didn't it fall.
Because its feet stuck,
Or was it just luck,
Or does gravity miss things so small?
Just call me milk. I'll do your body good.
Sorry, could you turn it down a little please? Your smile is really lighting up the whole room.
Are you sure we haven’t had a class together before? I could have sworn that we had chemistry together.
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
It will be a habitual action for me to offer you a simple present.
“Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.”—Melanie White
A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”
Zach Galifianakis
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
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