How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
How do you know when an avocado is ripe?
You must be from Quebec because these feelings I have for you are Mont-real.
You know, your smile has been lighting up the room all night, and I just had to come and say hello.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Baby, the Millennium Falcon isn't the only thing that does it in less than 12 parsecs.
Woke up with sweats afraid I'd contracted the corona virus...
Changed into jeans and was all good.
The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
"My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes." — Emo Philips
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits."
Anonymous
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
Whenever I see your eyes
There is something that I feel
You look so sleepy
As a bear after a meal.
(Unknown)
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I don't know, it's never happened.
A saber tooth tiger would never blow anything up.
But a dino might.
The soccer player brought string to her game because she wanted to tie the score.
What do Muslims do during the coronavirus outbreak?
They stay in Quran-tine.
The only thing tender today is my heart for you
Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint. The phone rings and he jumps up shouting, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog!"
My wife always said she believes in abstaining from s*x before marriage...
The way things are going, I now think she meant her second marriage.
You’re so beautiful, you make me feel like an arpeggiated chord… broken.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
I’m throwing a COVID-19 party this weekend.
None of you are invited.
Why do Ghosts make such good company? They are full of spirit.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
“I rob banks because that’s where the money is.” Willie Sutton.
What’s Irish and comes out in the spring?
Paddy O’Furniture.
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
We can share my yoga mat so we can become one.
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
I want you to know I’m here for you no matter what, Alice. Tell me anything and Alice-en
Why do people like storm watching so much?
The lightning is quite striking!
Let me check your tag.
Yep, just as I thought - Made In Heaven.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.
It's a Thor subject for them.
My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
Even Santa doesn't make candy as sweet as you.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
This special birthday wish may be late,
And it may not make you very wise,
But it's still good enough to send,
Because it won't strain your tired eyes.
It may not be the best birthday wish,
And it may not even be on time,
But I think it's better than nothing,
For no other reason than it rhymes.
(Kevin Nishmas)
Go to BabaMail
