Who does May like the best?
April Showers, because April Showers brings May flowers!
“If you need me, I’ll be inside until April.”
Did you just swallow a magnet? Because I’m so attracted to you right now.
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
"Have an eggs-tra special Easter day."
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To bock traffic.
Claude Pepper
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
If you look at the map of my heart, it says 'You are here.'
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.” - Lily Tomlin
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that bastard's reflection.
Lady Gaga
Pete's pa pete poked to the pea patch to pick a peck of peas for the poor pink pig in the pine hole pig-pen.
It's always a first class trip with me.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize an egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
Make love, not war.
Or if you want to do both – get married!
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
Sorry to interrupt with a bad pick up line, but if you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber.
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
Is it possible to scare a sasquatch out of your yard by tossing eggs at him?
Only if you eggs-terminate him.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
I'm beginning to suspect that the Tinnitus Hotline isn't actually staffed
Any time I call, it just keeps ringing.
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
As an April fools joke, I told my SO that I was pregnant...
...sadly she didn't fall for it.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Baby I'm gonna teach you what love's all about tonight
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
I hope you have an absolutely fin-tastic day!
What makes more noise than a dinosaur ? Two dinosaurs!
A toast to you:
You always know how to make everything butter.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
Roses are red,
Facebook is blue.
No mutual friends,
Who in the world are you?
Go to BabaMail
