There was a flamingo in our garden for such a long time, we started calling it a flaminstay.
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
I am a mean green machine.
Have you been eating Lucky Charms? Because you're looking magically delicious.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
I'd like to get you wet. At least long enough to get you back to the ocean.
French history is nothing to Lafayette at.
Djokovic to his friends the morning after winning the U.S. Open: Is anyone hungry for some Denny’s? Because I would like another Grand Slam.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
“Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.”—Mae West
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
I think there’s something wrong with my eye. I can’t take them off of you.
A snake walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “How did you do that?”
Have you found the center of gravity yet? It’s the letter v.
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.
Which country hates Thanksgiving?
Turkey
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Where can you read about planets exploding?
In the orbituaries.
Sorry I've been following you...
But my parents told me to chase my dreams.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
You are in my heart, my mind, and in my entire body.
In fact, my doctor says that you must be a parasite!
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
What’s the difference between a football (soccer) referee and a politician?
When the referee gets paid at least someone wins.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
What do you get if you cross a ski instructor and a vampire?
Frostbite.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
Basketball is the only sport where the basket is filled but never gets full.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
Shut up the shutters and sit in the shop.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C:
Wife: "I'm pregnant."
Me: "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad."
Wife: "No you're not."
What do you call a lineup of food with lots of garlicky dishes?
Buffet the Vampire Slayer!
My cow gives less milk,
now that it has been eaten,
by a fierce dragon.
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery.
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
I have a spouse in a different nation.
The Imagination.
Which lawn decorations move around from yard to yard?
Gnomads.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
Go to BabaMail
