What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
If Arnold has $5 and you have $5, you both have $5.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Baby, you're a firework.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
What type of underwear does a yard wear?
Lawngerie.
Hay girl, I'd like to have a stable relationship with you!
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
As a nurse, I have a patient who is very rude...
He's ill-mannered.
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
Witch you were here.
What is the call of a Spanish speaking owl?
Quién...Quién.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
Why do cows lie on each other in the rain?
To keep each udder dry.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Reindeer don't go to school—they're elf taught.
Did you know you can hear the blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
You might not be America’s Most Wanted, but you’re at the top of my Watch List.
Want to plan a ride up the hill. It feels great when you're on top.
Are you made of beryllium, gold, and titanium? Because you are BeAuTi-ful.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
Will you come to my place? You can sure lower my heating bill with your hotness.
What do you get if you cross a lobster with a telephone?
A snappy talk.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Want.
Want who?
Want, who ... three, four, five!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lock
Lock who?
Lock who it is, after all this time!
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
There was an Old Man of the East,
Who gave all his children a feast;
But they all ate so much
And their conduct was such
That it killed that Old Man of the East.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
"People should fall in love with their eyes closed."
- Andy Warhol
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
My mother-in-law dropped her iPhone in the toilet...
I told her, "there's a CRAP for that."
We like to paddy.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
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