How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You make my heart skip, I think I have Mobitz type II!
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
What’s the sequel to that?
Fuller mouse!
“The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
– Mark Twain
Why did the ghost go to the big Labor Day sale? He’s a bargain haunter.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
What did the detective say after finding a calculator?
"Hmm... Now everything is starting to add up..."
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
"Bee"
A bee comes tapping at my screen,
Buzzing, bumping, sounding mean.
Bouncing, pushing, acting wired,
With no thought of getting tired.
¨I could say, “Dear bee, what is it?
Would you like to come and visit?”
But I feel his anger’s keen.
So I’m glad I have a screen!
– Denise Rodgers
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
You're as intoxicating as home distilled liquor.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
It’s so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
An astronaut who normally fails on a weightlessness experiment, might surely be aware of the gravity of the situation.
I asked a pink bird who its favourite artist was. It looked at me strangely and replied “Flamingo Starr, of course.”
Got a cow helping me cut the grass. He's a lawn mooer.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
What is the best breakfast cereal to eat in the winter?
Frosted Flakes!
If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland!
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
Hey girl, I'd give you my heart but I already gave it to Jesus.
You can have my number though.
What’s a hen’s favorite type of movie?
A chick flick.
Happy birthday to you,
You still look the same over the years,
Some sort of makeup you use,
Oh I did not mean to make fun,
Because you always look number one
Stay blessed!
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
Excuse me, I think I'm lost. Is this the bar or the musem? You're just a piece of art.
A guy ate only metal bars for thanksgiving
He was gratefull
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
You're the only sight I want to see today.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
“Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.”
—Doug Larson
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What’s a goat’s favorite drink?
Goat-arade.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Abraham Lincoln
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
I'd take that cackhanded banana-bender on a walkabout
What's a goblins favorite dinner?
Ghoulash.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
My love is like a fractal. It goes on forever!
Go to BabaMail
