What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
“I am your best friend, and there isn’t anything you can do about it!”
— Unknown
Girl, your skin is so smooth, and you smell good just like some new shoes.
"If it costs you your peace of mind, you’ve overpaid."
— Rigel J. Dawson
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
One should never mix oranges in apple juice. Well, perhaps you may do it once in a blue moon.
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
"Tom Tigercat"
Tom Tigercat is noted
for his manners and his wit.
He wouldn’t think of lion,
No, he doesn’t cheetah bit.
Tom never pretended
to be something that he’s not.
I guess that’s why we like him
and why he likes ocelot.
– J. Patrick Lewis
Jedi Mind Trick: "This is the geek you're looking for." waves hand.
Can I take a few shots at your goal?
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
For goat’s sake, that’s enough.
A Halloween bash in my street
was a night that will never repeat
the spirits that come
were tequila and rum
and I ended up drunk on my feet.
Are you being a ghost for Halloween, or are you just my boo?
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
What was the first car Henry Fordasaurus invented? A Model T-Rex.
How do Penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
How do you stop an Internet troll?
Seize their memes of production.
Why couldn't the housefly board the plane?
It was on the no fly list
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
I “lub” you.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
I’m sure wherever my dad is he’s looking down on us… he’s not dead… just very condescending.
Jack Whitehall
Airlines have nowadays become so cash strapped that they charge you for everything including emotional baggage.
Do you have a library card?
So you can check me out?
No, because my cat just died and I need to find a book about cat funerals.
What planet is next to Uranus?
Poopiter.
I am struggling to carry with this hiking but your great glow has kept me going.
Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Can you teach me how to use this machine?
My counselor gave me a hug today
I guess I got shrinkwrapped
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
I scored when I met you.
"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."
- Dorothy Parker
You must be the North Star because the light around you guided me here.
I broke up with my partner on our front stairs.
It was a stoop end to the situation.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
What do volleyball players do when they go to church? Serve God.
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