What did the florist say when it was springtime?
Business is blooming!
You're as intoxicating as home distilled liquor.
Make your own decisions this summer, don’t give in to pier pressure.
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Why are wooden hard drives so bad?
They're all bark and no byte.
Why shouldn't you iron a four-leaf clover?
You don't want to press your luck!
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
Why did Frankenstein’s monster go to a psychiatrist?
He thought he had a screw loose.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
We bee-long together.
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What did the fisherman say to the card magician? Take a cod, any cod.
I own a big fat cat-
The fattest for miles around.
Wherever there's lots of food,
That's where he'll be found.
He's really good at eating.
It's a talent, I suppose.
I'm sure if he keeps at it
He'd win the talent shows.
I own a big fat cat-
He weighs at least a ton.
He couldn't run to save his life.
Yes, he isn't much fun.
His favourite room's the kitchen.
(I'm sure we all know why.)
He eats just about everything,
So that's why, with a sigh...
I'd like to tell you, Teacher,
I'd like to tell you straight,
I might have "accidentally" dropped
My homework in his plate.
(By Christian M. Mitewu)
What's more amazing than a talking turkey? A spelling bee!
Diving into shallow water could lead to jumping to wrong conclusions.
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.
She said, "It's reindeer."
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
St. Patrick’s Day makes me Spring to life.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
It's always a first class trip with me.
For April fools my girlfriend replaced my alphabits with Cheerios.
I have no words to say how angry I am.
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
My husband slapped a fly off the door and said 'Not on my watch!'
I told him "That's a door"
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Him: Awww, of course!
Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
What's an inmates favorite food? Cellery.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
“I have never been hurt by what I have not said.”
Calvin Coolidge
Can you do sign language?
I wish I knew how to sign because I don't think any spoken words can describe how beautiful you are.
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What falls in the winter but never gets hurt?
Snow.
Are you from Sheffield? Because you’re steeling my heart.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
Buckle up! It is time for re-entry.
Go to BabaMail
