After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
I barely noticed you in the winter months, you were missing from the sky.
What’s a gorilla’s favourite pop group? A: Bananarama!
“I couldn’t help but notice that you look a lot like my next girlfriend.”
- Will Smith, Hitch (2005)
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
Where do penguins keep their money?
In a snow bank!
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
I love a joke about the eyes.
The cornea the better.
What kind of tests are witches given in school?
Hex-aminations.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
Woman turned down the marriage proposal of a gardener. She wasn't ready to shear her life with him.
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
"I wood never leaf you."
Q: Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?
A: Because you’re breaking wind.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
How does a penguin get around?
By icicle.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?
Benny Hill
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
Excuse me madan, could you help me? My hands ar so heavy. Could you hold them for me?
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What's the name of the funniest mountain range in the world? The Himhilarious.
A big black bug bit a big black dog on his big black nose!
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
“So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends — but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more positive partnership.”
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What do you say to an astronaut looking for a car park
There's a spaceman.
Your voice is so a-do-re-ble to mi
You brighten up my day just like the anti-fog spray for my goggles.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
The group of beavers loved the river because it has a really bubbly personality.
I told my friend that our old school friend is coming to attend St Patrick's feast. She was surprised. She asked, "O'Reilly?"
Red wasn't feeling very well for the past few weeks. He has been diagnosed with scarlet fever.
Why can’t a fish every play volleyball? They are afraid of the net.
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
It takes one to snow one.
What is it called when two spies hug?
A bond-ing moment.
What are Astronauts doing when they do a mistake?
They Apollogize
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