Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor? Dino-sore!
What do you say when your dad wears a speedo to the pool?
Spee-don’t!
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
Did you know it's illegal to water your plants in China ?
It causes the microphones to rust.
You wanna know who makes my life complete? Read the first word in this sentence.
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
A magician wearing a rainbow colored coat is called Hue-dini.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
What holiday do bats love best?
St. Bat-rich’s Day.
"The best part of waking up is still a mystery to me."
— Uknown
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
My dad gave me a Walmart gift card for my birthday.
Then he said "Don't spend it all in one place."
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
Women should not have children after 34.
Really, 34 children are enough.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
A few punny Wifi names you can use:
Wi-Fight the Inevitable
Chance the Router
The LAN Before Time
Silence of the LAN
I Believe Wi Can Fi
The Password is...
Click Here to Download
Get off my LAN
Router? I Hardly Knew Her
Definitely Not Wifi
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
Why are street thugs so good at basketball?
Because they know how to shoot, steal, and run.
Hey cutie nice pants, got any room in there for me.
Do you like math? No? Me neither. In fact, the only number I care about is yours.
At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?
Zach Galifianakis
A crab didn't help his friend,
he's shellfish.
Bob Hope
I have Alzheimer’s bulimia – first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke.
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
Bill Murray
“Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go ‘you know, I’m not as hungry as thought I was’?”
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
I hear your thirsty? Well I've got a six pack right here!
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception.
“You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.”
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Aye to aye!
What’s a ghoul’s favorite love story?
Romeo and Ghouliet!
Go to BabaMail
