What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Do you believe in love at first flight?
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
“Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life!”
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs bunny
What's the difference between and Buffalo and a Bison?
You can't wash your face in a Buffalo.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
If I buy a soccer ball, will you kick it with me?
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
Can you tell your tendy to look the other way while I slip one?
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
Your plants have taken roots deep within my heart.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
What did daddy ghoul say to his youngest son?
Stop ghouling around!
What's a frog's favorite game?
Hop-scotch (or leapfrog).
I left chess club early this week.
I was just so board.
If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
I surprised the judges at my last diving competition by performing a cannonball.
I made a huge splash.
Do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A. A walkie talkie!
I used to have wavy hair... Turns out it was waving goodbye.
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
Why did the Easter Bunny go to the doctor?
It was time for his annual eggzam.
My mom told me it would be good for my self-esteem if I asked out people who aren't conventionally attractive.
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible."
People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago."
When I got my first job at the bowling alley, I was only tenpin.
Irish I had another Guinness to drink.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
“Heat, ma'am! It was so dreadful here that I found there was nothing left for it but to take off my flesh and sit in my bones.”
- Sydney Smith
You stole my heart, so can I steal your last name?
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
You’re a cutie 3.14159265359
Why did the cloud stay at home? It was feeling under the weather.
What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when she extracted metal from ore?
I’m smelting!
Go to BabaMail
