10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
Are you enjoying your sweet potatoes this Thanksgiving?
I know I yam!
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
I saw a really cool kangaroo the other day
It had a hip hop
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
“Today’s good mood is sponsored by yoga.” – Unknown
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
You don't need an international ticket to get duty free with me.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
I hope you know CPR, baby because you take my breath away.
Sorry for not saying 'Bless You', it already seems that you are.
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
Did you damage my cerebellum? Because I’m falling all over the place for you.
"Run. Because zombies will eat the untrained ones first."
From the Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
Why did the spy cross the road?
Because he was never on your side.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
I was just reading an article called "10 most scenic runs"... the third one was with you!
By the seat of one’s punt
what do you need to have proper grammar?
a proper grampar.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
Are you a bike? Because I wanna ride you until I get tired.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
Q: What do you do with unruly green kids?
A: Make them do limeout.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
I feel like Medusa was in some rocky relationships.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
Are you accepting applications for your fan club? I'd love to join.
I like you, you croc my world.
What is one of the big tiger's most favorite hangout places? A shopping maul.
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
Error 404: Your number is not found on my phone.
“Is it snowing where you are? All the world that I see from my tower is draped in white and the flakes are coming down as big as pop-corns.” — Jean Webster
What do you call a dinosaur that eats fireworks? A dino-mite
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
The investigative journalist said that he would reveal all the in-cider information this fall.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”
- Dorothy Parker.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
What do you call a bear that’s stuck out in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
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