Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
What do you call a cannibal that works in a university?
Hannibal Lecture.
What do you call a thirsty camel ?
A dry humper.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
What kind of bugs live in clocks? Ticks!
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
"Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start."
- E.W. Howe
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
"Really, our time together has just become more effort than you're worth."
As a baseball player, I know my way around the bases.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!” - Jenny Han, 'To All the Boys I've Loved Before'
Where does Sasquatch store his stuff while he's out on a hike?
In a big footlocker.
Hey girl, I put the stud in Bible study.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
Why has the prosthesis dealer become a private detective?
He has a nose for these things.
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one!”
— C.S. Lewis
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
This summer is going swimmingly.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
Why did the lion cross the road?
He was bored of lion around.
I can't believe I can't see the bottom of the ocean.
It's unfathomable.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
You have a body like the North Star. Wise men will follow it.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?
This foundation is rock salad.
My Dermatologist was fired today...
He made too many rash decisions.
Where do Santa Claus and his deers stop to have a coffee at Christmas?
“Star – Bucks!”
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they said was, “Bach, Bach, Bach …”
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
People with 20-20 vision..
Why you didn't warn us before??
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
You know you're just like the sun, your beauty is blinding.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. -- Billy Sunday
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