"Dying to have fun."
I used to go out with a homeless girl, like you. It was great. I could drop her off anywhere.
What did the large baby deer say when he met his favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn!”
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What did the pun mom say to the new pun dad?
We have a pun in the oven!
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
You must be a Candy bar because you appease me.
What do you call a goat that acts immaturely?
A silly billy.
“Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.”
— Unknown
The big cat was known around town to wear a lot of funky ties. Everyone called him the tie-ger.
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
Why, because you can see yourself in my pants?
No, because I wanted to check how I look before I hit on your hot friend.
“You are as helpful as a blister on a hike.”
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
When does soil get rich?
When mother nature makes it rain.
Some people like to play croc-quet.
What will you do when you will see a spaceman? You will simply park your car, man!
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
Girl, we must be a bipartite graph, because I just thought of an efficient algorithm for finding an optimal matching for the two of us.
Talk literary to me.
Why wasn’t the giraffe invited to the party?
He was a pain in the neck.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What was the skeleton’s favorite Christmas candy?
Bone-bone.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
There are many fish in the sea but you're the only one that's caught my eye.
A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
As soon as I saw your face, I knew you weren’t just the average Jo
“A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”
Denis Waitley
"Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time."
– Sadhguru
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." — Andre Maurois
Are you a carbon sample? Because I want to date you.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
"Whenever I See"
Whenever I see your eyes
There is something that I feel
You look so sleepy
As a bear after a meal.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
How did the beaver introduce his wife? This is my significant otter.
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
Call me miles because I want you to complete me every round.
Go to BabaMail
