Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cash.
Cash who?
Yes! I've always known you were a bit nutty!
Even though there's no ball game on tonight, we can still slam it.
I Ecuador you.
Roses are red, bananas are yellow, wanna go out with a nice little fellow?
What is a cyclops' favorite winter activity?
Sking. That's like skiing, but only with one eye.
When I drink, I always end up with rosy cheeks,
I wake up in the flower bed at the end of my garden the next day.
You must be Saturn Because I feel attracted to you even when I’m a million miles away!
If beauty were time, you'd be an eternity.
I hate it when the grammar Nazis single me out.
It seems like a which hunt.
How much dew does a dewdrop drop
If dewdrops do drop dew?
They do drop, they do
As do dewdrops drop
If dewdrops do drop dew.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Arfur.
Arfur who?
Arfur got!
I decided to add a water fixture to my backyard...
... it's going well
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get out of the barking lot.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
Which front-office type is the most promiscuous? The general ménageur.
I aorta tell you how much I love you.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "unionized."
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
When's the best time to go to the dentist?
Tooth hurt-y.
Q: Why was the cloud not allowed to cross the border?
A: Because it was a for-rainer
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
"It’s a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack."
― Germany Kent
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
People tell me I have a good breaststroke, but I'd say I'm a pretty good swimmer too.
“May your coffee be extra strong, and your Monday be extra short.”
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
Why don’t werewolf make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
“You know you’re a gardener when you’re happy to devote three months of your life growing tomatoes to save $1.27.”
— Anonymous
What is green, red, yellow, purple and orange?
Colors.
“It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.”
Ashleigh Brilliant
If I had a nickel for every nickel I have... Oh wait, I do. Nevermind.
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
My first date with an Emergency department nurse was a casual tea.
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
What a is ghoul’s favorite pet?
Ghoulfish!
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What happens when you die after Thanksgiving?
You go to Gravy Jones' Locker
How hot does your gas oven get?
Girl you're like my favorite Spotify playlist... No matter how much I wander I'd always come back to you.
Who will Frankenstein’s monster take to the dance?
Any old girl he can dig up.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
I was hoping you’d text first, but clearly Abby-t you to it
Why does nobody invite Jupiter to the space parties? Because he has too much gas, always…
"If ignorance is bliss, there should be more happy people."
- Victor Cousin
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
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