What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
Alcoholism is the only disease that tries to convince you that you don’t have it.
You make my heart race, and there is no finish line.
Black Beauty - Now there's a dark horse.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
How do you get an Art Major off your front door step?
Pay for the PIZZA!
I can go 90 minutes without stopping.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
I’m a small Irish creature who has been diagnosed with a serious sickness. It’s Leprechronic.
I'm no organ donor, but I'd be happy to give you my heart.
How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents.
“All kidding aside, if everyone did yoga, we would have world peace.” — Rory Freedman
I thought I’d surprise my girlfriend for her birthday.
Her: “What are you doing? And why are you shirtless?”
Me: *smiles and nods*
Her: “And you’re covered in… baby oil?”
Me: “Well, you know how you always said I never glisten?”
Her: “Listen. You never listen.”
Me: “Ohhhhhh..”
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
What did the brick road say on thanksgiving?
Cobble cobble cobble!
“When you realize your self-worth you’ll stop giving people discounts.”
I’ll be there in a pinch.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
He was in Denali.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
Have you been eating Lucky Charms? Because you're looking magically delicious.
I know "Good Morning" in 5 different languages
Which do you want to hear tomorrow?
Try to take a tiger from his daddy's side, That's how love gonna keep us tied
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
Do you have to leave so soon? I was just going to poison your drink.
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
A man was about to propose to his fiancé but as soon as he got down on his knees, she started laughing.
It was a fun knee moment.
Wanna go out sometime? I think we’d have Avery fun time together
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
how do I understand that you understand. Understand!?
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
If we are both math majors, then why is there so much chemistry between us?
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
Go to BabaMail
