What is a golfer’s favorite bird?
Any birdie will do.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
The man got shocked when he got down in the river because the river current was too strong.
How do French skeletons say hello?
- Bone-jour!
The science teacher decided to take her class out on a field trip to the mountains because all the kids in her class desperately needed higher grades.
I could go on and on about Salming but I don't want to Borje.
You are shrimply the best!
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
There was a young lady of Cork,
Whose Pa made a fortune in pork.
He bought for his daughter,
A tutor who taught her,
To balance green peas on her fork.
Hey baby, can I roll up your rim?
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
Please stop making jokes about little people
How would you feel if a bunch of giants made jokes about you?
Do you know a bakery around? Because I would like to purchase a sweet like you.
I’m not lion when I say you’re my mane.
Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives.
Because he never met you.
Golf is what you play…
When you’re too out of shape to play softball.
My spiritual gift is my good looks. It lifts peoples spirits.
I bet you’re Ethan better in person
When does a bat go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the kids have to play indoors.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
I froze some raspberries last summer. You're hot enough to defrost them.
I'm sorry I had an accident...
I slipped and fell right into your heart.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
What is a beaver's most favorite drama series ever? Riverdale.
This is one spray-cation to remember.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Row row row your boat.
Rowing gently down the stream.
Life is so extreme.
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
You’re my pot of gold.
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
You must be French, because you're looking really Nice tonight.
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