"My name is Khan, please sit and entertain me."
If I had a garden I’d put your tulips and my tulips together
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor....
so far it´s been 7 owls and 15 jays.
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
When the ghost watched a sad movie he started boo-hooing.
Where do fish keep their money? In river banks.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
What did the lipstick say after he let down his friend?
I’ll make it up to you.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What do you call a crab that throws things?
Lobster
Has anyone told you you have the best smile ever? Honestly, its Nat-a-lie!
Why is the letter B so cold? Because it’s between the AC.
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering.
Polygon but not forgotten.
How will you make a baby astronaut fall asleep peacefully? Rock-et.
A crocodile tried to copy a rooster to wake his friends one morning, he went croc-a-doodle do.
I meditate about you. Will you do the same too?
Why do all kids want to be an astronaut?
Because there is no pressure.
What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes - about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
Why are nuns such great sprint runners?
'Cause they're used to being chaste.
Babe, all the trail leads straight to you.
Why can't you trust zebras?
Because they're convicted horse felons.
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
Charlie Chaplin
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
I like you a latke!
Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men? A. It changes their DNA.
Need an ark?
I noah guy.
Which hulking left-winger could body-slam The Giant? Dave Andre-chuck.
What do golf and se* have in common?
They’re two things you can enjoy even if you’re bad at both of them.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
What do bats say to those they dislike? Good riddance to bat rubbish!
I hope you're good at catching cause I'm starting to fall for you.
A disappointed Dad tells a knock-knock joke to his teenage son: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "You're a mountain." "You're a mountain, who?" "You're a mountain to nothing, son!"
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight?
Any time I wear a t shirt with a picture of a crocodile on it, I feel a little sick.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
I told my husband I was excited to see who's nose our baby has on the ultrasound.
He said, "He can't have my nose, I need it!"
That skeleton over there said he’d get your number for me, but he didn’t have the guts, so here I am.
What does a vampire bat call a bloodmobile?
Meals on Wheels.
My love for you simply radiates.
Which color is a zebra's base color? The debate is endless, and there is no clear answer.
It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.
“Welcome, winter. Your late dawns and chilled breath make me lazy, but I love you nonetheless. ” — Terri Guillemets
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