What’s striped and goes round and round?
A tiger in a revolving door.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
If you're attacked by a group of clowns...
Go for the juggler.
How about you let me take you to the Planetarium? You seem to belong there since your beauty is celestial.
Crows, they just love sports, crow-quet to be precise.
What do you call a bee who never brags?
A humble-bee
Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cheese
Cheese who?
Cheese a nice girl.
What did you have for breakfast?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for lunch?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for dinner?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What do you do when your sister comes home?
- rubber balls and liquor!
Got my nurse going into surgery today
She put the IV in my right hand, so I started texting from my left.
She said, "Wow! How can you do that?"
I responded: "I'm ambi-textrous."
What's the difference between an otter and a navy aircrewman?
At least the otter knows he's not a seal.
Believe in your elf.
How many saws could a see-saw saw if a see-saw could saw saws?
What do Spanish speaking people prefer to travel in groups of 2 or 4?
No tres-passing.
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Sadie.
Sadie who?
Sadie magic word and watch me disappear!
In the history of bowling, there is one bowler who floats like a butterfly and stings pretty much like a bee. His name is Muhammad Alley.
If you don’t properly seal the lids on your spice rack...
You’re going to have a bad Thyme.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Miners Refuse to Work after Death.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Amanda
Amanda who?
A man da fix your sink!
Are we going to do some gravity experiments? Okay, let’s test how fast I would free fall for you.
"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"
"One dollar." answered little Johnny.
"You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.
Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."
I know a fun activity that can burn 500 calories an hour...
When you look really closely...
all mirrors look like eyeballs.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
You’re my soul Santa.
I’m feelin’ pine.
I love you a tot!
What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.
How do you get an Art Major off your front door step?
Pay for the PIZZA!
Why was everyone shocked when the fruit fly's girlfriend agreed to marry him?
Because the pair had only ever been on rotten dates.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A LAMBorghini
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Wow, wouldn’t mind if you became my significant otter.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
Can anyone advise me what color my hair is?
I find it's a bit of a grey area.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
What did the fawn who wanted to be a child forever say?
“I don’t want to doe up!”
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
Who turns the lights off on Halloween?
The light's witch.
What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow? Nothing, it was feeling blue.
Why did the detective lose his second job at the airport?
He kept cracking cases.
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
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