“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single” — Billy Crystal
A new car has been launched especially for American cowboys
The Audi Partner.
Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo.
We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Whats the worst thing about manufacturing tabletops?
It's counterproductive.
“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
Winston Churchill
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
I was working on my family history. Do you think it's too early to list you as a spouse?
“It’s the 21st century. I don’t need an alpha male to protect me. I don’t need a big, strong man to fight off a tiger. I need a geek who can get my naked photos off the cloud.” — Whitney Cummings
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
In another town, the cowboy rides in wearing a paper suit. Paper pants, paper jacket, paper chaps. Even a paper holster!
He wasn't in town ten minutes before he was arrested for rustling.
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
Llama know if you don’t like these puns and alpaca my suitcase and leave!
When the moisture from the sky stops falling
It really stops waning
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
I had an art contest with my friend.
It ended in a draw.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Baby, I didn't buy any fireworks this year, because you're the only one who lights up my sky.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
Q: Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?
A: Atmospheric pressure.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He had something to cock-a-doodle dooo!
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
I'd spend Tuesdays with Morrie, but baby, I'd spend every day with you.
Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
You look like my future ex wife.
“The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'”—Jim Gaffigan
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Bob Hope
Why do people like storm watching so much?
The lightning is quite striking!
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Two behaviorists make love. When they are done, one turns to the other and says: "That was good for you. Was it good for me?"
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What did the koala say to his girlfriend?
I love you-calpytus.
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.”—Joyce Brothers
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
Up for some action? I can finish with one touch.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
Police hurry up, it’s chilly outside!
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
What Do You Call Two Ducks And A Cow?
Quakers and milk.
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