What did the ghoul say to the clown on Halloween?
Tag, you’re it!
For instant fun, just add water.
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sorry to say,
I’m not into you.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.
A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by.
The sphinx said to the man, "You may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?"
The man thought for a moment and answered, "Imagination."
"Wrong," said the Sphinx. "The answer is your mom."
This is the first year I’m not going to Italy because of the coronavirus.
Normally I don’t go because I’m poor.
What happened when the pun misbehaved in school?
He was pun-alized with detention!
There once was a hunter named Frawley
Who lived in a shack, outside Raleigh.
His dog, funny but true,
Would only hunt honeydew.
The dog was a true melon collie.
(William Robinson)
"Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you."
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
What a is ghoul’s favorite pet?
Ghoulfish!
What name does Santa Claus use when he takes a break from delivering gifts? Santa Pause!
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
There’s an old oak near my house that’s always surrounded by fog.
I don’t know why, it’s a mist tree.
What is a grammar vampire's least favourite drink?
Type-O.
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
“The easiest way to teach children the value of money is to borrow some from them." — Anonymous
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
Aren’t you supposed to be on top of that tree? Because you’re a star.
If you make a mistake of playing basketball with pigs, they will hog the ball.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
What happened when Dr. Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.
You know what’s on the menu? ME-N-U
I want to practice my forehand outside, but it will be wet in the morning and nice later on. So here’s the plan for today: inside-out.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
Hey girl, are you the sun? Because you’re the center of my universe.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
What our parents tortoise was to be kind to each other.
What kind of diet did the deer go on when she was trying to lose weight?
A non-deery diet.
When are you due back in heaven?
I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.
It's Groundbreaking work.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
Is beef soup good for our health? Not if you are the cow.
"I wood never leaf you."
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
Where do you find giant snails?
At the end of a giant’s finger.
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
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