What kind of camel throws a hissy fit when you milk it?
A drama dairy.
There are two types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets.
It's lit.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”
Thomas A. Edison
In the night, a visitor came past my igloo. It was a yeti!
Not sure who left the other cooler, but thanks!
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." ~ Spike Milligan
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
“If Monday was a gift, I would happily return it to the person who gave it to me.”
I went to the doctor yesterday and he reckons I'm paranoid.
I wonder who else he's told.
How many astronomers will it take to just change a lightbulb? None, they like the dark.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
You must be a birthday, because each time you come near,
I get so very excited, and so very full of cheer!
You must be the new year, because each time you come round,
All I do is want to celebrate, and make a joyous sound!
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
You must be a C major scale... All natural.
I went to a restaurant and had a salad. Afterward, I got an intense pain in my stomach. I visited the doctor and he told me that I had grass-troentiritis.
“If summer had one defining scent, it’d definitely be the smell of barbecue.”
— Katie Lee
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
Date a hockey player, we always wear protection.
What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
“Your typical six-year-old is a paradoxical little person.”
- Louise Bates Ames.
If you cross a bee and a lizard, you'll get a blizzard!
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?
She was afraid someone would Caesar.
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
The police told me they'd throw me in jail the next time they caught me stealing board games.
But that's a Risk I'm willing to take.
What kind of pasta do skeletons enjoy eating the most?
Elbow macaroni.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
Have you checked in yet? Because I've been check-in you out all day.
Werewolves love their fast food.
Who was the fastest runner in the race?
Adam, because he was first in the human race.
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
Now I know why there's no snow - you're so hot!
Why didnt the moon go outside?
Because it was waning.
A friend went in to his garden, dug a hole in the grass and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
Christmas - The only time of the year you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks.
Stay true to your shelf.
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
Go to BabaMail
