As the local drunk, I'm quite worried about the corona virus.
It's got potential tequila lot of people.
An oyster from Kalamazoo
Confessed he was feeling quite blue.
For he said, "As a rule,
When the weather turns cool,
I invariably get in a stew."
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
I'd drink your bathwater.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
Why did the optimist lose his job at the photographic processing lab?
He couldn't focus on the negatives.
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
"If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times: Don’t exaggerate!"
Anonymous
"You're the wine that I want."
Why was the ghoul so smart?
He always ate brain food!
What makes more noise than a dinosaur ? Two dinosaurs!
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
What’s Austrian and took over France?
Croissants.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
You’re right up my alley.
Shouldn’t we be carbon dating right now? Let’s get on with it.
Blackboards love drinking beverages, especially hot white chalk-olate!
The other day I told a joke about an armored vehicle with a rotating gun turret.
It tanked.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
What did the magician say to the fisherman?
"Pick a cod, any cod."
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
I saw a flyer about a missing flower, would you call your florist and let him know you are safe?
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
Who’s at the door?
It’s snowbody.
I have a serious love-heat relationship with summer.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
Ever kiss a guy with no teeth?
“You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time... Husband!” —Bill Maher
“Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.” — Yogi Berra
Don't get caught elvesdropping on Santa!
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
Hello... I've been admiring your bacterial signature.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
Today I learned that Both Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein married their first cousins.
For both, it’s all relative.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." — Erich Segal
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
Are you a lumberjack?
Why, because I give you wood?
No, because you have masculine forearms and you're wearing Wranglers jeans.
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