Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90 percent of their decisions.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
What does the "B" stand for in Benoit B. Mandelbrot, the inventor of fractal geometry?
Benoit B. Mandelbrot
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?
A bullet.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
The expiration date says "best if used by tonight." Can I make you dinner?
“Every time I do something silly, it comes off really funny because it’s natural.”
- Shaquille O’Neal
Let’s put our tulips together.
“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” —Zig Ziglar
I less than three you.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
I would love to live in Yorkshire, because it Leeds me to your heart.
Do you prefer organic or local? Because I’m both.
What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
Starlight, Starbright, why don’t you come home with me tonight!
I was just reading an article called "10 most scenic runs"... the third one was with you!
Housework is for people who don’t know how to garden.”
— Anonymous
If you were a vegetable, you'd be a CUTE-cumber.
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
If you were here, Abby all over you
Your voice is so a-do-re-ble to mi
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
I must be a Snowflake, because I’ve fallen for you.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What kind of jewelry do witches wear?
Charm bracelets.
Why did the nose cross the road?
Because he was tired of getting picked on.
What do ghouls love to eat?
Fettuccini Afraid-o!
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"You're the wine that I want."
A cowboy and a Mexican were walking side-by-side by a beach in Mexico. The Cowboy asked to the Mexican if the Gulf of Mexico was an ocean.
"Sea, Señor," replied the Mexican.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
"Roses are red, violets are blue. We're breaking up beacause I never loved you."
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
..... oof !!
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
What do you call a kids book about otters? Harry Otter.
What song did Kenny Rogers write after his cowboy boot broke?
“You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose Heel.”
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
"Do you have a cell phone I could use?"
"Why?"
"Someone has to call God and tell him that one of his angels is missing."
- Couples Retreat (2009)
Go to BabaMail
