I would part the Red Sea for you.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
sqwerty
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
A recent finding by statisticians found that the average human has one breast and one testicle.
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”
- Alan Dundes
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Why did my wife cross the road?
To go back to the same shoe shop we went to three hours ago.
This date just made my day Emil-ion times better
What's the difference between a colorful women's garment and a famous live music venue?
One's a house of blues, the other's a blouse of hues.
Do you know how to hop? Because your body is in top form.
What eats laptops? Computer worms.
Did you hear that Mexicans created a machine that dispenses fish?
They call it a pez dispenser.
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
Go big or go gnome.
I love you berry much.
Where do vampires eat their lunch?
At the casketeria.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.”
Bob Hope
Hey babe - are you the ex leader of the Australian Democrats because I'd love to Despoja.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
Your fur is red, so beautiful, like an angel in disguise.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
Can’t Lucy how perfect a date with me could be?
The public investigated a box full of crows because it was a murder case.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
Girl is your name baseball? Cause I just want to hit it with you.
"I love you in a way that's nauseating to others."
- Unknown
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
Seas the day!
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
I think you are a horror movie because I can't sleep when I think about you.
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
What did the ghost teacher say to her class? - Look at the board and I’ll go through it, again.
The summer sun makes me as happy as a clam at high tide.
Why didn’t the lady skeleton wear a bikini?
Because she was big boned.
The fact that I've met you shows that God loves me.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
A weed is a plant that is not only in the wrong place but intends to stay.”
— Sara Stein
Go to BabaMail
