"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"Maybe this is not the right time for us"
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!
The way you talk to me leaves me aphasic.
Excuse me, I think you dropped something: My jaw.
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
On a Halloween night, long ago,
I went trick or treating with Margo;
We went as Jack and Jill,
And our pail we did fill,
Back in the city of Chicago.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
How did you get to be such an amazing man?
Never have I seen someone who can do all you can.
I look at you and gasp in awe,
You are the best that I ever saw.
You are the perfect man for any woman,
You’re just so good at making me grin.
Everything you do is so perfect for me,
You are precisely my cup of tea.
Now I suppose I should give credit where credit is due,
And remind myself that I did a great job retraining you!
(Unknown)
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
What is a seals favorite subject?
Art Art Art Art!
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Like a bouquet tied with twine, I can be yours if you will be mine.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Why don’t leprechauns run?
They’d rather jig than jog.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
“The average vacation is one-tenth playing—nine-tenths paying.”
–Arnold Glasow
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
Finding Bigfoot will be no small feat.
“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” — Stanley J. Randall
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
There was an Old Man who said, 'Well!
Will nobody answer this bell?
I have pulled day and night,
Till my hair has grown white,
But nobody answers this bell!'
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
Whatever you do this summer, be sure to make a splash.
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
"Stupid is when you spend 18 hours trying to drown a fish."
Anonymous
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Where do ski instructors keep their money?
In the local snow bank.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
The khaki in my shirt brings out the color in your eyes.
I went to the costume party as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
What do the elves cook with in the kitchen? Utinsel.
Are you my appendix? Because I don't understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.
How can you tell that vampires love baseball?
They turn into bats every night.
Hey, you're pretty and I'm cute. Together we'd be pretty cute
Go to BabaMail
