The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
I was astonished when my shirt's color changed from red to pink after a wash. Guess it showed me its true colors.
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Just in the neighborhood, thought I would drop by.
"This is by far your worst idea ever…I’ll be there in 15 minutes."
— Unknown
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
Do I know you? Because you look a lot like my next girlfriend.
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
My software never has bugs.
It just develops random features.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
“Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner—just so they can have the last word.”—Janet Periat
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
I’m rooting for you!
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
My neighbor planted dogwood trees in his front yard.
I’m not a huge fan of the bark.
Excuse me! Do you know where’s the Victoria's Secret shop in this mall? You look like one of their models!
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What goes hiss, swish, hiss swish every time it rains? A windscreen viper.
Hey baby, let me take you on a trip around the world.
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The logician says, "Yes."
It’s so cold we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
You: Can I borrow a quarter?
She: why? (if she says sure or something else get her to ask you why).
You: so I can call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.
Can I get your number?
One call, that's all.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
When does a turkey go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
Why will you not want to give a bath to the Saturn? It would then leave a ring around the tub.
Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they haven’t got any pockets.
It's foolish for humans to try and take back the planet of the apes
Since they are incredibly good at gorilla warfare.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
"I can rise and shine, just not at the same time."
– Unknown
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
"Put Up With Me"
I'm glad that you're my mother,
kind and caring and strong.
Coz surely no-one else,
Could have put up with me this long!
– Holly Giffers
How does Santa capture photos? With his North Pole-oroid.
You cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo and you end up with a turtle
neck jumper.
I came, I thaw, I conquered.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Even the Chocolate factory doesn't make candy as sweet as you.
Where does a Portuguese skeleton live?
Lis-bone
How much does an elephant skeleton weigh?
Skele-tons.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
If I wrote a cookbook, you'd be the featured recipe.
Go to BabaMail
