As it snow happens.
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
Because if they had four doors they would be chicken sedans
How does an elf get to Santa's workshop? By icicle.
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
A mummified macaroni pizza was uncovered in Italy today.
The man who uncovered it says "It's a pizza of our pasta."
I like my breakfast like my tennis grip: Continental.
If you were words on a page, you'd be what they call the FINE print!
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby — awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess." — Lemony Snicket
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
What kind of dinosaur works for the police? A trisara-cop.
What did the Indian kid say to his mother when she left India?
Mumbai
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
Why did the ram run over the cliff edge?
Because he didn’t see the ewe turn.
If Corona virus is just a beer virus..
Then it’s just a yeast infection!
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Did you hear about the constipated crocodile?
It was a crockashit.
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
How about a little roll in the Bakery Department?
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
Marriage is like a game of poker.
At first you have two hearts and a diamond.
By the end all you want is a club and spade.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
What's a ghost with a broken leg called? A hoblin goblin.
When I got home last night my wife demanded that I 'take her somewhere expensive'...
So I took her to a petrol station.
There was an Old Person of Chester,
Whom several small children did pester;
They threw some large stones,
Which broke most of his bones,
And displeased that Ols Person of Chester.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.
My shrink says I'm just being self centaured.
Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
Linda-Lou Lambert Loves Lemon Lollipop Lipgloss.
What do you call a ghost who haunts fireplaces? A toastie ghostie.
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
My weekend is fully booked.
What do dinosaurs have that no other animals have? Baby Dinosaurs.
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