Is your name Pepsi? Because you sure are sizzling.
“When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.”
Bill Watterson
“I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.”
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
"Have an eggs-tra special Easter day."
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
Why does Moon goes to the bank? To change his quarters.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
Are you a bank loan? Because you got my interest!
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
Your beautiful face looks like a field of flowers.
Did Rudolph go to school?
No, he was elf taught!
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus.
Are you the 4th of July? 'Cause I'm feeling fireworks between us.
I’m so lepre-gone right now.
What do Muslims do during the coronavirus outbreak?
They stay in Quran-tine.
There was an Old Man of the West,
Who never could get any rest;
So they set him to spin
On his nose and chin,
Which cured that Old Man of the West.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Roses are red
Violets are blue,
Coffee is bitter
And so are you.
Excuse me, do you have the time? I just want to remember the exact minute I got a crush on you.
I would love climbing to the peak of Mount Everest, but I do not see the point.
What does a runner lose after winning the race?
His breath.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
What does it feel like to be the most gorgeous girl in the room?
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
Why is the moon so conceited at times?
It becomes full of itself.
“Good Morning! Open your mouth wide! I’ll just keep going and put that coffee right in there!”
– Unknown
What is a deer’s favorite after-school snack?
“Doe-nuts.”
Even after a decade or two, I think we will all remember this year forever.
I mean, hindsight is 2020.
Wanna go back to my igloo and cuddle?
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.
You look pretty fun, I hope this means I’m headed into a new S-era of good luck
What is Grammar?
The difference between knowing your sh*t, and knowing you're sh*t.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Why did the hotel staff dress as witches for Halloween?
Because they provided broom service!
What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews
I wish your name was Avogadro because then I would already know your number.
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