Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
You must be one spicy dish because you're making my heart burn.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
My girlfriend brought 50,000 bees and put them in our backyard.
She's a keeper.
Let me count the ways I love you.
First you bring me flowers, then a mug of tea,
you let me see my favorite shows no need to even plea.
I can tell you love me it is plain to see
just like that pimple just behind your knee.
Mountains aren't just funny.
They're hill areas.
What do bees chew?
Bubmble gum.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
"For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end." — Catherine Zeta-Jones
What words do windmills live by? One good turn deserves another!
The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
The surgeon was fired later that day.
Today I be-leaf in leprechauns
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
I'm a man without a country. Can I be a citizen of you?
"Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run."
Jumbo Elliot
I hate red eyes, but I would fly all night for you.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth!
What kind of dinosaur works for the police? A trisara-cop.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
"If you were to open up a baby’s head – and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should – you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland." – Dave Barry
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?
Pier pressure.
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
Baby, the Millennium Falcon isn't the only thing that does it in less than 12 parsecs.
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis!
What’s black and white and yellow?
A cowardly panda.
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
Does February like March?
No, but April May.
I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.
Programmer.
A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
What do a rabid rabbit and a basketball player have in common?
Mad hops.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.
What happens when an alligator drives a boat?
He becomes a navigator.
What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?
Go to BabaMail
